About Me

Moment of Clarity

Have you ever had one of those clarifying moments where everything becomes so real? I just had mine about a month ago. It was at a Dr's. appointment. It was a follow up appointment to check the results of a few tests and blood work. While the doctor was telling me my results, that moment just hit me. I am not 25 anymore. Over and over again as I was listening to how I need to proceed with my care, I kept repeating in my head, I am not 25 anymore. I mean it's not like I didn't see in the mirror that I was getting older. Or that the scale was not showing an ever increasing weight each time I got on. I realized with all my new aches and pains that old age was heading my way long ago, but until this moment, I could honestly say that when I closed my eyes and pictured myself, I saw a 25 year old woman in my head's eye. A woman with lots of ideas and goals. A young woman with the freedom to worry about it later. A woman just beginning. Not anymore. Now I see me for real and I don't like what I see.

My diagnosis was not grim, but it was also not exactly good. I am a borderline diabetic, my hormones are upside down, thyroid tests indicate a nodule in my throat. I have a benign tumor in my right breast and thermagram and biopsy results that tell the doctors I have atypical breast cells that are busy doing something ( not sure exactly what yet). Oh and I am too fat. So, of course, I was told to loose weight, given hormones, and have a full schedule of Dr's appointments for the next 6 months.

As I walked out of the office, I turned around to my 2 little girls and told them how proud I was of how well they behaved at my appointment. I am homeschooling my kids so I take them everywhere with me. It was at that moment that I decided I was going to change whatever I had to change and obey my Dr's to the letter. In the past, I would have just worried about it later and probably not complied with much of anything. But now, I want to be here when my grandchildren are born. I want to be active and healthy and happy and fun for my 5 and 7 year old now. And let's face it, I haven't been active physically with them in a really long time. I obviously am not so healthy. And because of the aches and pains and lack of sleep, happy and fun, I am not.

As we drove home, my mind was still so full of these thoughts of my life. Not my life as an accomplishment, but my life as a person. I will be 40 in February and I am in a physical funk, a mental funk. I am middle aged. Hell, past middle age really, unless I live to be 80. I am just an ordinary housewife with kids, pets, and a house to care for. I live in sweat pants and T-shirts. I never seem to completely finish anything I start. And I have started a lot of things. What am I teaching my children? Do they look at me and see a hard working, loving mother, who lives for them? Do they see me as a fat, tired, irritable woman who seems to lack any initiative or motivation? I fear sometimes the latter is more realistic than I would like to admit.

That's it, I'm done. This Dr's appointment was just the push I needed to snap out of my funk of watching my life pass. My attitude of "It is what it is" was over. I was going to make some changes.
And through the grace of God, I have been doing pretty good.

The first change I made was to my diet. I cut out wheat and sweet products, processed foods, fast foods, and turned almost 100% to organic foods. No more chemicals in our foods. I eat several serving of vegetables each week and I am trying to focus on high alkaline and cancer fighting foods. I know I have not been diagnosed with cancer yet, but my breasts and thyroid are in some kind of situation and I really want to be proactive about it, just in case. I can happily report that I have lost 13 pounds since the 4th of January.

I carried this anti-chemical attitude into our cleaning products and bath and body products also. Going with all natural and homemade.

Next thing I did was join a 52 week challenge to an organized home.

I also started to complete my craft projects that have been started and left for dead in my craft room.

I am redecorating my kids bedrooms and finishing a bunch of crafts I have bought for them over the past years.

And lastly, I decided to start blogging all of this. Mostly to keep myself accountable and to vent my feelings and emotions.

Anyway, so far so good, but I have instantly made myself a very busy woman and learning self discipline and self control at 40 is not so easy. Just going organic has added quite a few chores to my list, but hopefully I will work out a schedule that allows me to get it all done.

I know some people may think that I am totally over reacting, but to be honest, cancer or not, diabetic or not, I need to make these changes for myself and my kids. And this moment of clarity has set it all in motion!